I just can't trust a woman who hasn't got a good burp. It's true; at the right time. And, isn't that what good manners is often about? Timing? A good burp in the right situation can be the essence of good manners. Ask the Chinese, or maybe Beetlejuice or Homer Simpson. Sometimes, doing the right thing just means you gotta join in the burp contest.

I have been working hard to get this Sterling Manners column out to you. It has not been easy. I have encountered many obstacles to my offer to write a new good-manners column, not the least of which is the pervasive belief that "men don't want to read about good manners anyway." Well, duh, considering the number of manners columns written by women and not targeted to men, what, exactly, do publishers expect? Do they understand the term "self-fulfilling prophecy"?

I am sure you have noticed that almost all the newspaper columns and books on "good" manners are written by women. For instance, there is "Miss Manners" (Judith Martin), "Ms. Demeanor" (Mary Mitchell) and "Prudence" (Emily Yoffe). Ms. Martin writes a syndicated column called "Miss Manners," Mary Mitchell writes "Nice Matters," and Emily Yoffe writes an online weekly column for Slate magazine. By not offering a good manners column written by a man, publishers have been able to get away with implying men aren't interested in good manners for years. It's a set-up.

As I was vacuuming the living room the other day, it dawned on me -- "Ron, women are making all the rules these days; what's up with that?" Somehow, vacuuming has a way of generating understanding (try it sometime). Two women put out a best seller several years back called "The Rules -- Time Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right." I don't think the book was a best seller just because it cost only $5.99 (although that might have tempted a few guys to buy it). It was a best seller because women had given up on the newer version of capturing men, you know, "taking the initiative."

According to the authors of "The Rules," "the purpose of 'The Rules' is to make Mr. Right obsessed with having you as his by making yourself seem unattainable." The authors make declarations like "Men are different from women" and that by "playing hard to get" women can furtively stimulate that hidden "hunter" instinct found in every man. In fact, "The Rules" strongly asserts that "men are born to respond to challenge." Phew, Ellen and Sherrie need to get together with Rob Becker, the man who wrote and stars in the one-man show "Defending the Caveman." It would be prehistoric love at first sight!

In "Defending the Caveman," Becker simplifies things for us men and women by saying "men hunted (therefore, men are goal-oriented and focused), women gathered (they are process-oriented)." A comedy routine based on such regressive stereotyping may be wildly funny, in a backward sort of way, but it is also smoothly dangerous. It covertly induces complacence and justifies the presumed status quo of so-called dominant gender characteristics. Out of the many reviews I have read of Becker's play, it is interesting to note that most women reviewers find his act rather pathetically funny and they are generally not impressed. Me neither!

I think the evolution of human beings involves an active coming together of what we have been historically inclined to classify as largely separate gender characteristics. This may require a heck of a lot of understanding (see "vacuuming" above), motivation and practice: men exercising their "femininity" and women exercising their "masculinity." I can see the beads of sweat forming already.

This column is dedicated to pumping up your civility, whether you are a man or a woman. Don't let our post-modern, wildly hectic life suck the manners out of you and remember the Code of the West: "Protect the land, defend the defenseless and don't spit in front of women or children" (as quoted by Patrick Swayze in the movie "A Tall Tale").

-- Be kind and prosper, Dr. Sterling

Sterling Manners is written by Ron Sterling, M.D., an award-winning writer and psychiatrist. "Sterling" stands for "excellent, superior, and honorable." You may e-mail Dr. Sterling with your questions and thoughts about respect, honor, integrity, civility, courtesy, ethics, etiquette, manners and, of course, men.

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The mottoes "Let's put the 'man' back in manners," "Be kind and prosper," and the "No Cavemen" logo are all trademarks of Ron Sterling, M.D.